Gaga Advice

A Gagaite wrote:

You speak wise words, my friend! I would love to do something more creative than what I am/have been doing. I do not want to go back to academia, myself. The advertising agency idea had not occurred to me. It is a thought. I am trying to cleanse my mind of frantic thoughts, and my body of stress and connect to the Universe and be enlightened about what to do next. I still have not discovered the thing I would most love to do that will make me happy. Maybe it is my chance to get out of the crazy 50-hour week workoholic always rushing type of life? I watched some documentary on TV about very successful, but overworked and burned out business people, making 6-digit salaries, who suddenly decided it was enough. So, they went to the boonies and bought an isolated farm, where they raise goats and are very happy. Another woman became a cook at a restaurant for $12 bucks an hour and led a quiet, simple life. All educated and formerly wealthy people. What a change! I have to admit I am attracted to the idea of getting away from the craziness and polution, but what about income? How am I to support myself... One of my dreams is to have a certain kind of house-my own comfortable and beautiful home, but I need finances to afford it. This dream, of course, is now put on hold.....What does the future have in store for me I wonder... Ihave always wondered why you don't publish all those rants you have been sending for years. You certainly have talent, too. Not only for putting things in words, but for seeing the world in an intriguing light. In a way that shows your brightness and ingenuity. So, good luck in this attempt. You can afford the time to take and do it. Today was a great, warm day, all day! I went to St.Patrick's parade and met up with some old friends. It was nice. Cheerio,


Gag sez:

It's great to hear you are doing some thinking before the next one.

Money will always be an issue in the world as we know it, and I tried to take some time out over the past few years (really--I hardly work, I hate working) and it was great for me to stumble upon Buddhist forest tradition meditation and teachings, which helped me see things a lot clearer.

Dreams we all have about who we are and what we ought to be, and what will make us happy are quite tricky. The nice thing when I went to a monastery in the forest and had what for all intents and purposes was a jail cell, and all you did all day long is hang out with yourself and meditate, I found changes occurring. One thing I found out I could be quite happy. The mind moved around a lot, you know, from thoughts of past and the future, and I could feel a real anxiety about these thoughts. Then when I got a grip and refocused, I found out I was actually sitting comfortably there in a beautiful forest, and I was alive and well and content. And then the mind wanders and then it goes back to the reality of where I was, and it really seemed most absurd all this life (well, I can't take credit for this observation--Camus wrote extensively about this).

Sure, in my mind I imagined a future time when I was really secure, a place to live, a source of income, friends, lover(s). But then I thought about all the effort required for all these things, and it exhausted me even thinking about it.

Then the insight that life goes on with or without these aspirations and dreams came over me, and I thought, "Hell, I can't complain about what I am doing. This is fine, all the crap stripped off... this breath is really what we're dealing with." I constantly have to remind myself of this. It doesn't take long before my mind and thoughts wander into things and, without me even realizing it, I have a whole lot of expectations of myself, which cause so much confusion of what to do.

Goethe said, "Be careful for what you wish for because you just may get it." So true. I wished a lot of things, and when I eventually got them, well, my desire wasn't extinguished, rather, it shifted to some other things. And so it goes around and around and around, a constantly grasping at things to sate my thoughts.

There is nothing wrong with this, but how much do we really need to be happy? I'm not much of a materialist except for a few things: Apple computers, healthy food, and traveling. I entertained the idea of owning that land in Costa Rica, and ou know, it gave me more stres than I could handle. What to build, what to do, all the stuff necessary to do it. It exhaustd me again just thinking about it!

I am very happy I didn't pursue that. Once again I really feel free well, the stupid university in Japan gave me some money for doing shit) and it's a brand new road once again.

The notion of "settling down, getting married, buying a house" and all the rest of it first of all scares me, and if that's the case, best not go there.

I don't know what I want to communicate to you here other than check yourself to see what you really think you need to be happy, examine it carefully, and try to see if that is really it. Chances are it may be a poor substitute for the natural spirit which you already have. Again, I have to remind myself of this when things get shitty.

And so this is the only refuge we have... the everlasting spirit. Everything else, including our breath, disintegrates.

Thanks so much for your encouraging words about my rants. It's nice occasionally to get this feedback that it affects you and others in a way that I kinda thought it would. My intentions are very clear about this stuff, and it seems to be working.

Sorry I left the "money" issue hanging. But as far as I am right now, I have a little stash, plan to use it wisely (that is spend it traveling) and well, go back to the trough and make some more when I need to.

Be well